Why Me?
by Frek
Summary: Jane finally asks Tarzan, Why Me?


Okay, well this hasn't been premeditated, I just felt like I needed to write a fic, so I'm just going to spew one onto this form and we'll see how it turns out, kay? And, please, be gentle, I'm not excactly talented here!   
  
The usual applies, I don't own Tarzan or any of it's characters, plots, hunky cast, etc.   
  
Okay, here we go!  
  
Why Me?  
  
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Ever since John Clayton Jr. barged headlong into my life, nothing has been the same. My entire outlook on what my life is, and what it could be has been scattered to the four winds. Before John, my life made sense. I worked hard to become a detective, because I wanted to help people. I fell in love with Mike and really honestly hoped for a future with him. But now everything's different, because of him.   
  
Mike is dead. I wonder if that will ever get easier to say, but it probably won't. I hated John for it, for everything that had changed in my life, and in me, since he arrived. But it didn't take me very long to realize that it wasn't John that I hated, it was me. I was the one who turned away from Mike to protect this strange, dangerous creature who had been taken from his home by his scheming uncle. I can't believe how I could just drop everything that I held so dear to me, just to get caught up with a man who was dangerous, and dangerous to be around. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for Mike's death, because surely I was the one who killed him. I might not have pushed him off that roof, but I was definately the one that put the immeasurable amount of pain in his heart that caused him to lash out at John.   
  
I sigh, a sound filled with pity and self loathing. What's wrong with me? Why have I let myself rush headlong down this road that so obviously leads only to more pain and fear?  
  
I find my answer poised on the windowsill of my bedroom. At this point I don't even bother to be surprised. He stares at me for a moment, probably trying to figure out my mood. When I don't move to greet him, he cautiously descends from the sill and comes close. As he moves, I am taken in by his animalistic grace and penatrating stare of those ice blue eyes. For just a second everything else fades away, and there is only him.   
  
The moment passes and John is squatting next to me, his expression laced with concern. I don't know what to tell him. That I hate him for ever daring to screw with my life and my heart, but no, I could never do that. I don't know why, but as I look into his face, I feel connected to this lost soul. And it's more than just wanting to save him, I probably would have saited that one enough by now, having saved him from his uncle and my fellow cops. I sigh again. I'm lost, I'm drowing because my world has been turned upside down and I don't have a life preserver.  
  
But then out of the darkness, he comes to me. He cockes his head sideways and gives me a searching look before softly saying,"What's wrong Jane."  
  
Of all the things I could have said, to either push him away, or to draw this wandering soul nearer, I chose to ask the question that had been burning in my mind since the day that we met.  
  
"John, why me? What's so special about me that you follow me, protect me, help me? Why not any of the thousands of other women in this city?" Will he give me a straight answer, does he even know the real reason why he chose me to attach to?   
  
The questiion seems to vex him, he starts to amble about the room, touching things here and there, before he finally returns to his previous position.   
  
"You make me calm," he begins, but is clearly unsatisfied by his own words. "When I'm with you, it feels like home, like everything is right." John is getting frustrated, I know how he feels. Just not being able to find the right words to say what you feel. He gives a soft grunt of irritation, and I let out a soft snort of amusement at his expression, so much like the child he must have been so long ago. John looks up at me and fixes me with what must have been his attempt at a glare, but he just couldn't get it to look even the least bit menacing. I smiled, and then, so did he.   
  
Time seemed to stop as we just stared at each other, an intense look replacing the smirk that had been adorning his handsome features moments ago. I should have seen it coming, but before I could react, John was leaning into me, pressing his lips to mine. I was angry at first that he just assumed he could kiss me whenever he damn well pleased, even after all the pain and confusion that he had brought into my life. But, after a few seconds all of these thoughts flew right from my head. A feeling of intense peace and calm washed over me as we continued our gentle kiss, and in that moment I knew exactly what John had been trying to tell me with words. When we finally broke the kiss, I stared wide eyed at John, not knowing what to do next. He smiled at me and gently stroked my cheek with his rough palm.  
  
"There is only you Jane," he said the words so simply that it almost made her feel silly for even asking the question in the first place.   
  
A heatbeat later, John was gone, the wind making the curtains billow in the open window. A sense of loss took over me, but it was different this time. I had tasted the most incredible feeling of completness in John's kiss, and now he had left. But it was for the best, if anything were to happen between us, it was going to take time. But now that I sit here alone in the night I find that I no longer hate myself. How could I if someone like John, who at his core is so innocent and good, could find such feelings of love and security in me?  
  
So, maybe I'm not drowning anymore, but I know that my journey down this long dark road has only just begun. Now, though, I think i can handle it, as long as John's close by.  
  
The End 


End file.
